ghost-plot: Let yourself grieve. You don't owe strength or bravery or anything to anyone. You're going through a lot, it's ok to let yourself feel the grief. Talk to people, ask other people for their strength. Take care of yourself right now. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this and I hope you're able to find support you need somewhere.
Oh God. Looks like I really needed your words. I appreciate both the support and understanding. That means a lot to me. I promise to get that strength from somewhere. My younger sister still needs me.